This venerable one is the Moon Supreme of the Moon Tribe, the most powerful being in the Three Realms, and Captain of the Corsair ship the Phantom Moon | 月幻影.
NOTE
Do not bother this venerable one with idle chatter.
[ And step inside he will, just shy of being within Daqiang's personal space. Of course G'raha has never been one to treat the other man any differently, even when they have not seen eye to eye on things. G'raha is loathe to start, but if that is what is needed... ]
I know not what to say at the moment, in truth. It didn't occur to me that some harmless fun, as embarrassing as it is, would upset you so.
[ Because he can recognize it. Daqiang is upset. G'raha just isn't sure how deeply it runs. ]
[Harmless fun. Meaning Daqiang had over-reacted. Meaning it was his mistake.
But shouldn't he have been told when things changed? Why was it his mistake for not making an assumption of change if he wasn't told it was happening? Why should he have known just because G'raha had been friendly with this other man? G'raha was friendly with many people.
He was very friendly with Daqiang.
After a long moment, he murmured:]
You did not tell this venerable one that you were no longer his.
[ The quiet bothers him. It's not like Daqiang's usual silence. This has some tension that he cannot put a finger to, only that it makes him uneasy. His chest ache.
When he finally says something, G'raha's ears strain to catch it. ...No longer his? ]
I... Suppose that would depend on the context. [ Which he's never thought it to mean in a romantic way. Perhaps he has been mistaken this entire time? ] Though from my perspective, this has not truly changed.
[ He takes a breath and steps into the other's personal space. G'raha is going to try to get a good look at the other's facial expression. ]
Miqo'te... Are a social race, Daqiang. We live in family units. Tribes. I was taken from mine when I was a child. Then, later, the Students became that for me. Yet I lost them as well and that void remained for the longest time. Since coming here, you have been someone that has filled it for me. Thus is why I consider myself to be yours as much as you are mine.
[He asked, eyes sliding to the side to look at G'raha with no small measure of pain in them.
He was not sure what he had counted G'raha as in his head and heart. Only that it was not 'family' because family... family meant betrayal. It meant being treated as tool of war. One to be feared, yes. But one to be used as well. A weapon. A shield. A scapegoat.
A monster.]
This venerable one's family has only ever wanted to hurt him. Kill him.
[what do you remember?
father please! Let me out!
do you remember familial love?
...
do you remember brotherly love?
...
Then... do you remember loyalty?
(a quiet sob)
good. very good.]
Use him.
[His eyes went hard and his expression cold. But the fires in the room flared.]
If this venerable one is family, which of these things do you wish of him?
[ He knows that "family" is a touchy subject. G'raha knows that Daqiang has not had a particularly kind childhood. Now had he known the specifics to this extent? No, not at all. G'raha can't imagine what it is like to have a family that would want to kill him. Hurt him.
Though that's not what G'raha would ever want. And even though the man is growing more distant, that's not something that G'raha will allow either. Hence it is his turn to take hold of the man's sleeve and look up at him with that stubborn glint in his eye. ]
I am sorry that it was the case for you, Daqiang. Were I able to go back in time and resolve it for you, I would. [ And he means it! ] Alas, I no longer have that that ability.
[ His expression softens. ]
Family is not always blood. Your dragon and your flower. This crew that you've put together... Those that you trust and have given you their trust in return. These individuals could all be defined as your family. One that you have selected for yourself. Quite frankly, the only thing that I would ever wish of you is for your happiness. What I wish of you is to flourish and for you to see yourself as many others do.
[He stiffened, spine rigid as G'raha took his sleeve. Controlled. So he wouldn't lash out. So he wouldn't burn him with the fires raging in his head and in his heart.]
Go back? Would you kill this venerable one's father for him? So that he would not have to be the one to make that final blow and become the monster he became?
[It came out accusatory. The fires of the room flaring so brightly it was no different than daylight. But he didn't move. Careful. He had to be careful. Controlled.
But G'raha moved on to something more painful. The ache in his heart that was Orchid-shaped. Who was his, but not his. Who had chosen him, but not him. Someone who made him happy. G'raha had made him happy, too. A feeling that filled his chest in a way that nearly hurt but only in a way that also made him crave to have more of it.
He knew pride when he saw his crew working enthusiastically on their projects. He knew something that might be happiness when they were excited. He knew anger when they were injured. He knew pain when they left. Disappeared because of the fickleness of the rifts or because they decided they wanted something else. Someone else.
Always someone else.
The fires died out and he shut his eyes, turning his face away. Willing the heat of tears threatening to shed to go away and leave him some semblance of face.
He shouldn't feel at all. But he kept putting off the destruction of his Seven Emotion Tree. For what? More pain upon more pain because the fleeting taste of happiness was that intoxicating?]
[ He wouldn't flinch away even if the man before him were to scorch his fur and flesh alike. There's a shake of his head to answer the question. No, G'raha Tia would not kill the man. Now the Crystal Exarch might, but not G'raha Tia. ]
Even further still, to before any harm could be done in the first place. Daqiang, why do you see yourself as some monster?
[ Because G'raha doesn't see it. Doesn't know what is so upsetting to the man in all of this. Where is all of this coming from? G'raha can see that there is pain, but where is the source of it? It is not just about some embarrassment trying to come forward in the defense of G'raha Tia and being told that there is no need for it. Much, much more.
But the Miqo'te is stubborn and has come to terms with the fact that Daqiang is not one that needs to be left to be. Which is why he presses forward still. ]
[He said. Voice empty of emotion. A fact recited by rote.]
When someone kills their own father and feels no guilt, what else can they be but a monster?
[His voice was empty, but his expression was not. His lips twisted in a sneer and the fire was flaring again before a mask slipped over and he turned cold, closed off.]
This venerable one did so before his voice cracked, before he was even a man. This venerable one has been a monster since he was child. Has burned, murdered, and conquered realms innumerable without feeling anything about it. He has ripped the skin from his enemies while they still lived. He has cut hands and feet from his foes and fed them to the crocodiles while they wept and pleaded for mercy.
[He turned and stepped into G'raha's personal space in a challenge. Daring him to deny that Daqiang was a monster.]
Tools and monsters are the same. They don't care about the pain they bring others. They don't need to.
[He wanted to scare G'raha. Didn't dare to touch him. Just wanted G'raha to run. To turn away. To leave him to his pain. To make it easier to kill the emotions blooming in his heart.]
[ He recognizes the behavior for what it is - the man is trying to scare him. Push him away, but for what reason? G'raha realizes that there stan a choice before him now: he can either leave and create a permanent wound in Daqiang's heart or face it.
No surprises what he chooses, grabbing the front of the man's robes and twisting him to look at G'raha in the eye. G'raha, who is unwavering. He still doesn't understand what all of this has to do with why Daqiang is upset. Why does he hurt so in a way that causes him to lash out. ]
You stated that he caused you harm and that your own family desired to kill you. It was not a thought in your mind to kill him first. While I may not know the context of the other terrible things you have claimed to do, I know the man that you are right here and now. What I do not see is a monster, but a man who has had to be what he must to endure so much.
[ After a moment, G'raha looks down. ]
If you are a monster, what does that make me? Me, who traversed time to erase an entire future? You may have put down lives, but you will never match my number, for I have even destroyed that which will no longer even have a chance to exist.
[ His hand grip the other tighter. ]
I am a man who knows what it means to run away from pain and loss. To lock himself up in hopes that it would shut it all out so that it wouldn't be acknowledged. A man who nearly tore his dearest companion apart from the inside out just to achieve those means - a different future. I ripped souls from their bodies and carried them across the cosmos without the means to put them back.
[It wasn't so much about numbers. War meant death uncountable.
He reached up and put hands on either side of G'raha's face. Cupping his cheeks gently as he looked into his friend's eyes. He wanted to push G'raha away. He wanted to hold him close. He wanted the hurt in those eyes to disappear.]
Even now, you feel it. It causes you pain. It hurts you.
[Monsters didn't feel pain. Monsters didn't feel anything. Monsters were the ones that didn't care. The ones to whom everyone was simply a number on a list.]
This venerable one felt nothing. It didn't mean anything more than just a body on the ground when this venerable one killed his father. None of the ones that came after meant anything.
[The first life he took. A weapon used against its creator. Perfectly sharp. Perfectly deadly. Perfectly unfeeling.
He shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against G'raha's.]
You did what you had to. This venerable one did only what his father created him for.
[ This is partially true. There is some regret there, but more because he had to do it at all. Not because he had ended up doing what had been needed, required.
His ears perk as he feels hands on his face. A forehead against his. G'raha is trying to parse all of this. Trying to absorb it and really take in the things that Daqiang isn't saying along with the things that he is. It's why there's a little frown on his features as Daqiang continues to speak. ]
Does that not pain you? Perhaps not the deeds committed, but the fact that you believe people see you as a monster? That you see yourself this way...
[ He sighs, still looking at Daqiang even though those dark eyes are shut. ]
One could argue it is better to feel nothing at all than to feel guilt, but not the slightest bit of remorse. I would do it all again in a heartbeat, you see. While it pains me, yes, I do not believe I have done anything wrong. Yet, this isn't really a contest of who is a monster here, Daqiang. You are not about to convince me to run away and to loathe you. That isn't going to happen here.
[Of course people saw him as a monster. He killed his own father. It was one of the worst and most heinous of crimes. Almost unimaginable. For someone who could do that, there was nothing that could be taboo. And it wasn't.
G'raha had wiped out a future, but he hadn't stood over the body of his parent holding the sword that had killed them and felt nothing. He couldn't understand what made Daqiang a monster. What made all the people of Cangyanhai and Shuiyuntian see him as one.
A shuddering breath was inhaled slowly. His thumbs brushed acorss G'raha's cheeks. He didn't really want G'raha to loathe him. He wanted...
He wanted to stop hurting so much.
He wanted someone to choose him first.
He wanted- wanted- wanted-
He wanted too much. That was the real problem, wasn't it? That he wanted. That he felt. That he'd put off attempting to destroy his emotions for as long as he had. That he was still finding excuses to delay.
Another deep breath in. Out.
He pulled his head away from G'raha and opened his eyes to look down at him. He brushed hair back from the face that had brought him peace when he would have had none during the last few months.]
Okay.
[Daqiang nodded. He wasn't going to convince G'raha to run away. To hate him. He didn't need to. He just needed to stop feeling. G'raha didn't have to do anything for that.]
You... your lover does not wish you to belong to this venerable one. Has said you do not.
[ Foreheads pressing against one another is a very Miqo'te thing. G'raha has slipped into the habit more often here than he ever has in the past. Thus it doesn't really occur to him that there might be more to it. However, the thumbs on his cheeks. The deep breathing, the grounding process that was happening before him... G'raha is starting to think that perhaps he had been misreading Daqiang's intentions for a while.
What is happening here? G'raha is looking at Daqiang with concern, because it feels like the man is giving in far too easily. The stubbornness that he is accustomed to is turning into something resigned. But what is it that Daqiang is resigning himself to?
His ears fold back and then lift. G'raha repeats the motion several times, as if trying to understand what point Daqiang is driving at. ]
That... That goes back to what your intentions are by the claim. To Zack, it felt as though your approach exceeded platonic or a concerned companion.
[ But his fingers curl into fabric even further. ]
[Daqaing dropped his hands to cover G'raha's where they gripped his clothes. He held them as gently as he knew how and shook his head.]
In this world, you have watched over this venerable one when he has been at his weakest. This venerable one has trusted you when he could trust no one. If you say you belong to this venerable one, then you belong to him. However you wish to belong to him.
If that is... if that is as family...
[He took a deep and heavy breath because it made his chest constrict to think of G'raha and family when family had only ever betrayed and hurt him. He did not want one of the only people he could trust to be in a position that led to more betrayal. But for G'raha, family did not mean betrayal]
[ Eyes drop down to those hands covering his own. Then he looks back up at Daqiang. Tilts his head to the side. ]
Daqiang, you may not see it but until recently you and I are quite similar. I hid myself behind a façade so that I would not have to acknowledge my own sorrows. For a time I thought of myself as a tool or a means to an end rather than a person. I was ready to entomb myself for an eternity or die in an explosion of corrupting Light.
[ His hands shift so that he can take hold of the other man's. Gives them a squeeze. ]
Then someone called my name. My name and the years that I had spent building a wall between myself and all else shattered. I see you and I see much the same with these walls... Thus I will not cease to keep my hand stretched out for yours. If the label of "family" is too much for you to reconcile with, then call me friend. Confidant. Accept that I will not hurt you as your family has and that I will return to this place because it is where you, one of my dearest companions, are.
[Because it is G'raha that is promising it, Daqiang does his best to accept it. To trust that his words are true. That he will not hurt him... betray him... use him.]
This venerable one already calls you friend. But he does not allow his other friends the same privileges he allows you.
[And G'raha had a lover. And Daqiang... Daqiang craved Orchid's attention in a way he did not G'raha's. Though he did very much dislike that G'raha had another to turn to, and it made him uncomfortable to think about others touching him in the way of lovers... he also did not want G'raha's attention in a way that made him want to stake his claim on him as he had Orchid in front of Cid. He didn't feel the need to fight for it so fiercely. Perhaps because G'raha gave his attention to Daqiang so freely?
Daqiang was not familiar with what these affections in his heart meant. The differences in them. But he was a learned scholar. He knew that there were those who were friends. and those who were... zhiji. It was not rare for someone to have a soulmate - a close confident and companion. But for Daqiang, it was not something he would have claimed for himself. Who could possibly understand him? He was the most powerful being in the world. The most feared. The most admired. And the most hated.
Who could he possibly be friends with to have that understanding form?
In another world, his world, he would not have what G'raha was offering. Could not.]
In this venerable one's world, there is something called 'zhījǐ'. It means... someone who knows you as you know yourself. There is an understanding that others struggle to share. It is as close to family as one can be without sharing blood or marriage.
[ There's a brief flicker of a smile at Daqiang admitting that much. ]
Yes, I may have picked up on that some time ago. Realize you are one of three that I allow to fuss over me as much as you have and get away with it.
[ He knows that there is much that Daqiang needs to work out for himself. That there are emotions and matters that Raha cannot help him work through. G'raha had to do the same, when G'raha Tia and the Crystal Exarch first came into contact with one another. There had been much reconciling that the two versions of the same soul had to do in order to become who he is today. Many emotions and the like to sort and sift through.
So who else can understand? G'raha, who sacrificed his body for the future of the star? Who brought death upon himself so that another could have a path forward? A man who had only held value because of the power of his eye(s), to the point where he had faced scorn as a child. Removed from his home because Garlemald could not be allowed to possess him? G'raha, who has been forced to shoulder the dreams and hopes of others... A man who had a great responsibility to the point where he had lost himself?
He listens to Daqiang and this term that he brings up. "Someone who knows you as you know yourself." An apt thing, perhaps. As close to family as one can be. This is what Daqiang would offer without his personal feelings behind the term "family."
G'raha nods. ]
Miqo'te don't have a word for such things, but I can offer a gesture that holds significance. My name roughly translates to Raha, Tia of the G Tribe. Those that are family, partners, and those that are as close to family as one can be without sharing blood may call a Miqo'te by their true name. So you may do so as well.
[ There comes a nod in response. People back home would know this of Miqo'te. It's not something that he has really explained here, save for two individuals. ]
Aye, that it is. Though I daresay I never told you the titles that I hold. Krile and a man named Rammbroes are the only ones from home that do so now. Call me by my more intimate name, that is.
This venerable one... will hold your name close, Raha.
[He squeezed the hands he was holding before releasing them and stepping back from G'raha. Or attempted to, anyway. G'raha's grip on his clothes would determine just how far he got.]
You should... not stay. We have talked. So tonight, you should not stay.
[He didn't want G'raha to go, but he knew that he shouldn't stay. Even if he couldn't bring himself to say 'go back to your boyfriend and reassure him'.]
[ He'd be allowed to step further back. The grip that G'raha has on those robes falls away and even he is taking a step backwards. ]
I wasn't intending to. While I consider you and I to be close, my heart is his. If his own aches then so, too, does mine along with it. I would do nothing to jeopardize what he and I have.
[ If it isn't clear about where his heart lies in all of this. G'raha is making it known that while Daqiang is someone he considers very important and their friendship means so much... He loves Zack. ]
[It is something Daqiang cannot fault G'raha for. Much as he wants to nurse the hurt of not being chosen first, he is used to it. And more still... he understood it. G'raha had someone he loved. Daqiang didn't know all the ways of love, but he understood that. That someone being chosen first.
He nodded and crossed his arms. Kept his eyes down. But did not turn his back.
It was G'raha who was leaving first.
And Daqiang would give him the respect of watching. Of accepting.]
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I know not what to say at the moment, in truth. It didn't occur to me that some harmless fun, as embarrassing as it is, would upset you so.
[ Because he can recognize it. Daqiang is upset. G'raha just isn't sure how deeply it runs. ]
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But shouldn't he have been told when things changed? Why was it his mistake for not making an assumption of change if he wasn't told it was happening? Why should he have known just because G'raha had been friendly with this other man? G'raha was friendly with many people.
He was very friendly with Daqiang.
After a long moment, he murmured:]
You did not tell this venerable one that you were no longer his.
no subject
When he finally says something, G'raha's ears strain to catch it. ...No longer his? ]
I... Suppose that would depend on the context. [ Which he's never thought it to mean in a romantic way. Perhaps he has been mistaken this entire time? ] Though from my perspective, this has not truly changed.
[ He takes a breath and steps into the other's personal space. G'raha is going to try to get a good look at the other's facial expression. ]
Miqo'te... Are a social race, Daqiang. We live in family units. Tribes. I was taken from mine when I was a child. Then, later, the Students became that for me. Yet I lost them as well and that void remained for the longest time. Since coming here, you have been someone that has filled it for me. Thus is why I consider myself to be yours as much as you are mine.
no subject
[He asked, eyes sliding to the side to look at G'raha with no small measure of pain in them.
He was not sure what he had counted G'raha as in his head and heart. Only that it was not 'family' because family... family meant betrayal. It meant being treated as tool of war. One to be feared, yes. But one to be used as well. A weapon. A shield. A scapegoat.
A monster.]
This venerable one's family has only ever wanted to hurt him. Kill him.
[what do you remember?
father please! Let me out!
do you remember familial love?
...
do you remember brotherly love?
...
Then... do you remember loyalty?
(a quiet sob)
good. very good.]
Use him.
[His eyes went hard and his expression cold. But the fires in the room flared.]
If this venerable one is family, which of these things do you wish of him?
no subject
Though that's not what G'raha would ever want. And even though the man is growing more distant, that's not something that G'raha will allow either. Hence it is his turn to take hold of the man's sleeve and look up at him with that stubborn glint in his eye. ]
I am sorry that it was the case for you, Daqiang. Were I able to go back in time and resolve it for you, I would. [ And he means it! ] Alas, I no longer have that that ability.
[ His expression softens. ]
Family is not always blood. Your dragon and your flower. This crew that you've put together... Those that you trust and have given you their trust in return. These individuals could all be defined as your family. One that you have selected for yourself. Quite frankly, the only thing that I would ever wish of you is for your happiness. What I wish of you is to flourish and for you to see yourself as many others do.
no subject
Go back? Would you kill this venerable one's father for him? So that he would not have to be the one to make that final blow and become the monster he became?
[It came out accusatory. The fires of the room flaring so brightly it was no different than daylight. But he didn't move. Careful. He had to be careful. Controlled.
But G'raha moved on to something more painful. The ache in his heart that was Orchid-shaped. Who was his, but not his. Who had chosen him, but not him. Someone who made him happy. G'raha had made him happy, too. A feeling that filled his chest in a way that nearly hurt but only in a way that also made him crave to have more of it.
He knew pride when he saw his crew working enthusiastically on their projects. He knew something that might be happiness when they were excited. He knew anger when they were injured. He knew pain when they left. Disappeared because of the fickleness of the rifts or because they decided they wanted something else. Someone else.
Always someone else.
The fires died out and he shut his eyes, turning his face away. Willing the heat of tears threatening to shed to go away and leave him some semblance of face.
He shouldn't feel at all. But he kept putting off the destruction of his Seven Emotion Tree. For what? More pain upon more pain because the fleeting taste of happiness was that intoxicating?]
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Even further still, to before any harm could be done in the first place. Daqiang, why do you see yourself as some monster?
[ Because G'raha doesn't see it. Doesn't know what is so upsetting to the man in all of this. Where is all of this coming from? G'raha can see that there is pain, but where is the source of it? It is not just about some embarrassment trying to come forward in the defense of G'raha Tia and being told that there is no need for it. Much, much more.
But the Miqo'te is stubborn and has come to terms with the fact that Daqiang is not one that needs to be left to be. Which is why he presses forward still. ]
Tell me what is going on. Please.
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[He said. Voice empty of emotion. A fact recited by rote.]
When someone kills their own father and feels no guilt, what else can they be but a monster?
[His voice was empty, but his expression was not. His lips twisted in a sneer and the fire was flaring again before a mask slipped over and he turned cold, closed off.]
This venerable one did so before his voice cracked, before he was even a man. This venerable one has been a monster since he was child. Has burned, murdered, and conquered realms innumerable without feeling anything about it. He has ripped the skin from his enemies while they still lived. He has cut hands and feet from his foes and fed them to the crocodiles while they wept and pleaded for mercy.
[He turned and stepped into G'raha's personal space in a challenge. Daring him to deny that Daqiang was a monster.]
Tools and monsters are the same. They don't care about the pain they bring others. They don't need to.
[He wanted to scare G'raha. Didn't dare to touch him. Just wanted G'raha to run. To turn away. To leave him to his pain. To make it easier to kill the emotions blooming in his heart.]
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No surprises what he chooses, grabbing the front of the man's robes and twisting him to look at G'raha in the eye. G'raha, who is unwavering. He still doesn't understand what all of this has to do with why Daqiang is upset. Why does he hurt so in a way that causes him to lash out. ]
You stated that he caused you harm and that your own family desired to kill you. It was not a thought in your mind to kill him first. While I may not know the context of the other terrible things you have claimed to do, I know the man that you are right here and now. What I do not see is a monster, but a man who has had to be what he must to endure so much.
[ After a moment, G'raha looks down. ]
If you are a monster, what does that make me? Me, who traversed time to erase an entire future? You may have put down lives, but you will never match my number, for I have even destroyed that which will no longer even have a chance to exist.
[ His hand grip the other tighter. ]
I am a man who knows what it means to run away from pain and loss. To lock himself up in hopes that it would shut it all out so that it wouldn't be acknowledged. A man who nearly tore his dearest companion apart from the inside out just to achieve those means - a different future. I ripped souls from their bodies and carried them across the cosmos without the means to put them back.
[ So does this make G'raha a monster too? ]
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[It wasn't so much about numbers. War meant death uncountable.
He reached up and put hands on either side of G'raha's face. Cupping his cheeks gently as he looked into his friend's eyes. He wanted to push G'raha away. He wanted to hold him close. He wanted the hurt in those eyes to disappear.]
Even now, you feel it. It causes you pain. It hurts you.
[Monsters didn't feel pain. Monsters didn't feel anything. Monsters were the ones that didn't care. The ones to whom everyone was simply a number on a list.]
This venerable one felt nothing. It didn't mean anything more than just a body on the ground when this venerable one killed his father. None of the ones that came after meant anything.
[The first life he took. A weapon used against its creator. Perfectly sharp. Perfectly deadly. Perfectly unfeeling.
He shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against G'raha's.]
You did what you had to. This venerable one did only what his father created him for.
no subject
His ears perk as he feels hands on his face. A forehead against his. G'raha is trying to parse all of this. Trying to absorb it and really take in the things that Daqiang isn't saying along with the things that he is. It's why there's a little frown on his features as Daqiang continues to speak. ]
Does that not pain you? Perhaps not the deeds committed, but the fact that you believe people see you as a monster? That you see yourself this way...
[ He sighs, still looking at Daqiang even though those dark eyes are shut. ]
One could argue it is better to feel nothing at all than to feel guilt, but not the slightest bit of remorse. I would do it all again in a heartbeat, you see. While it pains me, yes, I do not believe I have done anything wrong. Yet, this isn't really a contest of who is a monster here, Daqiang. You are not about to convince me to run away and to loathe you. That isn't going to happen here.
no subject
G'raha had wiped out a future, but he hadn't stood over the body of his parent holding the sword that had killed them and felt nothing. He couldn't understand what made Daqiang a monster. What made all the people of Cangyanhai and Shuiyuntian see him as one.
A shuddering breath was inhaled slowly. His thumbs brushed acorss G'raha's cheeks. He didn't really want G'raha to loathe him. He wanted...
He wanted to stop hurting so much.
He wanted someone to choose him first.
He wanted- wanted- wanted-
He wanted too much. That was the real problem, wasn't it? That he wanted. That he felt. That he'd put off attempting to destroy his emotions for as long as he had. That he was still finding excuses to delay.
Another deep breath in. Out.
He pulled his head away from G'raha and opened his eyes to look down at him. He brushed hair back from the face that had brought him peace when he would have had none during the last few months.]
Okay.
[Daqiang nodded. He wasn't going to convince G'raha to run away. To hate him. He didn't need to. He just needed to stop feeling. G'raha didn't have to do anything for that.]
You... your lover does not wish you to belong to this venerable one. Has said you do not.
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What is happening here? G'raha is looking at Daqiang with concern, because it feels like the man is giving in far too easily. The stubbornness that he is accustomed to is turning into something resigned. But what is it that Daqiang is resigning himself to?
His ears fold back and then lift. G'raha repeats the motion several times, as if trying to understand what point Daqiang is driving at. ]
That... That goes back to what your intentions are by the claim. To Zack, it felt as though your approach exceeded platonic or a concerned companion.
[ But his fingers curl into fabric even further. ]
Daqiang, talk to me. Please.
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In this world, you have watched over this venerable one when he has been at his weakest. This venerable one has trusted you when he could trust no one. If you say you belong to this venerable one, then you belong to him. However you wish to belong to him.
If that is... if that is as family...
[He took a deep and heavy breath because it made his chest constrict to think of G'raha and family when family had only ever betrayed and hurt him. He did not want one of the only people he could trust to be in a position that led to more betrayal. But for G'raha, family did not mean betrayal]
This venerable one will accept it as such.
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Daqiang, you may not see it but until recently you and I are quite similar. I hid myself behind a façade so that I would not have to acknowledge my own sorrows. For a time I thought of myself as a tool or a means to an end rather than a person. I was ready to entomb myself for an eternity or die in an explosion of corrupting Light.
[ His hands shift so that he can take hold of the other man's. Gives them a squeeze. ]
Then someone called my name. My name and the years that I had spent building a wall between myself and all else shattered. I see you and I see much the same with these walls... Thus I will not cease to keep my hand stretched out for yours. If the label of "family" is too much for you to reconcile with, then call me friend. Confidant. Accept that I will not hurt you as your family has and that I will return to this place because it is where you, one of my dearest companions, are.
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This venerable one already calls you friend. But he does not allow his other friends the same privileges he allows you.
[And G'raha had a lover. And Daqiang... Daqiang craved Orchid's attention in a way he did not G'raha's. Though he did very much dislike that G'raha had another to turn to, and it made him uncomfortable to think about others touching him in the way of lovers... he also did not want G'raha's attention in a way that made him want to stake his claim on him as he had Orchid in front of Cid. He didn't feel the need to fight for it so fiercely. Perhaps because G'raha gave his attention to Daqiang so freely?
Daqiang was not familiar with what these affections in his heart meant. The differences in them. But he was a learned scholar. He knew that there were those who were friends. and those who were... zhiji. It was not rare for someone to have a soulmate - a close confident and companion. But for Daqiang, it was not something he would have claimed for himself. Who could possibly understand him? He was the most powerful being in the world. The most feared. The most admired. And the most hated.
Who could he possibly be friends with to have that understanding form?
In another world, his world, he would not have what G'raha was offering. Could not.]
In this venerable one's world, there is something called 'zhījǐ'. It means... someone who knows you as you know yourself. There is an understanding that others struggle to share. It is as close to family as one can be without sharing blood or marriage.
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Yes, I may have picked up on that some time ago. Realize you are one of three that I allow to fuss over me as much as you have and get away with it.
[ He knows that there is much that Daqiang needs to work out for himself. That there are emotions and matters that Raha cannot help him work through. G'raha had to do the same, when G'raha Tia and the Crystal Exarch first came into contact with one another. There had been much reconciling that the two versions of the same soul had to do in order to become who he is today. Many emotions and the like to sort and sift through.
So who else can understand? G'raha, who sacrificed his body for the future of the star? Who brought death upon himself so that another could have a path forward? A man who had only held value because of the power of his eye(s), to the point where he had faced scorn as a child. Removed from his home because Garlemald could not be allowed to possess him? G'raha, who has been forced to shoulder the dreams and hopes of others... A man who had a great responsibility to the point where he had lost himself?
He listens to Daqiang and this term that he brings up. "Someone who knows you as you know yourself." An apt thing, perhaps. As close to family as one can be. This is what Daqiang would offer without his personal feelings behind the term "family."
G'raha nods. ]
Miqo'te don't have a word for such things, but I can offer a gesture that holds significance. My name roughly translates to Raha, Tia of the G Tribe. Those that are family, partners, and those that are as close to family as one can be without sharing blood may call a Miqo'te by their true name. So you may do so as well.
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[He asked, eyes finally coming up to meet G'raha's once more.]
Your 'true name' is Raha? Is this what could be called your personal name? Without titles or surname?
[He wanted to be certain the translation the magic of the world provided was correct for his understanding.]
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Aye, that it is. Though I daresay I never told you the titles that I hold. Krile and a man named Rammbroes are the only ones from home that do so now. Call me by my more intimate name, that is.
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[He squeezed the hands he was holding before releasing them and stepping back from G'raha. Or attempted to, anyway. G'raha's grip on his clothes would determine just how far he got.]
You should... not stay. We have talked. So tonight, you should not stay.
[He didn't want G'raha to go, but he knew that he shouldn't stay. Even if he couldn't bring himself to say 'go back to your boyfriend and reassure him'.]
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I wasn't intending to. While I consider you and I to be close, my heart is his. If his own aches then so, too, does mine along with it. I would do nothing to jeopardize what he and I have.
[ If it isn't clear about where his heart lies in all of this. G'raha is making it known that while Daqiang is someone he considers very important and their friendship means so much... He loves Zack. ]
So, tonight, I will be going first.
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He nodded and crossed his arms. Kept his eyes down. But did not turn his back.
It was G'raha who was leaving first.
And Daqiang would give him the respect of watching. Of accepting.]